no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
