dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
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You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
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Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
When are your genitals available?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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