I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
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You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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