im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
