my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i drank out of a bidet.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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