3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
