Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
