i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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