my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
