even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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