I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
