We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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