I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
