I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
