He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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