my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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