DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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