I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
