im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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