The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
