I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
