it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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