So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Let's get the cat blown out
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I did not marry a roomba.
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