First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
