Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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