Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
