the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
