I smell stomach acid.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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