So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
