I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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