i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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