Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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