Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
