Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
