somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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