How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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