Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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