I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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