Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
