You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
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i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My bed smells like the plague
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