I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
