i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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