handjob tips. give me some.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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