I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
