Sry I called you an 8
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
