Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
