I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
