But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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