Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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