Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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