I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
