operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Boobs are out for the taking
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
