census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
