Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
