no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
