I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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