I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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