if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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