I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
