my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
