He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
