i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
