I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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