Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how can u be prego again
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
