Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
